here is a personalized “our thanksgiving” story….the day after the day after the day….. MY THOUGHTS SHARED WITH YOU TOO….

December 4, 2010 wowveniceisactive
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the difficulty with giving THANKS is that there is no end to whom and all that there is to give it to. so here is a way to try to explain myself, to you, to me.   [now this is “all about me” but it may also be about you too in parts, if you care to read on…]

so I  thank my mother, my father….since being an only child gives me some freedom from that common sibling ambivalence and  all that rivalry/ jealousy/ competition/ and having-to-prove-myself-better-than a brother, sister, other family member.

I then have to thank their parents for bringing them UP and  into my life to give me my two parents….and thank all the people who helped and cared for them too, their whole big families. Oh my. So many already.  The parents of those parents of those parents and “all my relations” that go on and on thru many ages and places and…..But then the thanks goes to others too –  outside even these few [4 only hopefully] grandparents, none of whom ever lived long enough in those ‘old days’ to see or praise or be proud to be “grandma, grandpa” to me. They left before I entered this scene.

But still I must realize how much they gave to then give me my loving parents -who disciplined me, taught me, protected me, gave me all that they had and could “get” –  to make me healthy and relatively happy for all the years they dedicated themselves to me too –  plus all else they had to do = work, teach, learn, maneuver, escape, create, dedicate, save, share, work some more, keep, and give even to me, their 1 and only child. Oh yes, they had to dream and promise and defer their own happiness to provide for this image of what they wished they “could be” someday. I am. Their only child still.  Thankfully.

the difficulty with giving THANKS is that beyond my own personal limited family life, there were also so many others, most forgotten, some vaguely remembered, all who did what they did to teach me how to live well in this world –many teachers,  even a few  peer aged bullies, many classmates, playmates,  admirers, strangers, maids and garbage men, ironing ladies, drummers, ballerinas, ice-cream parlor owners, neighbors, more strangers, priests & nuns and cleaners of minds, sewers, salespeople, friends and lovers  – those I thought of hatefully when they were mean or criticized or showed me what to avoid and not to do too.

So many who passed thru my life on so many varied paths, all giving me what they projected or wanted to be or wanted to take from me, but all taught me what now I have = a sense of confidence in life and this self called “I” as I am, now. Glad to be me. Thanks for all I learned to get Here.

the difficulty with giving THANKS is that there are more than mere humans to thank and be grateful towards, be they all the pets my father brought home and my mother disliked taking care of while he and I were not there – the baby alligators, turtle,  parrots, monkey, dog, cat, birds, ‘pico feo’ toucan bird, and more  – who passed thru our 3rd floor balcony for a short stay giving me a jungle of pleasure and fascination as a child.

As well as my husband’s same good habits [coincidentally these most important men in my life always brought “home” animals for their families, besides bringing the prosperity of a good living and their hard working habits]. he would appear with chinchillas  [yes, real furry ones who escaped overnight from their cages, expensive as each one was in human calculating business eyes]. We loved the chicken, the ducks, the parrot, the cats, the rabbits which turned into 15 and then 32 in our back yard. No dogs this time.

Fun active animals. All providing me Natural Love and fascinating attractions to play with and to learn how to live wisely from their habits and antics.  Thanks to all for that they showed me and gave us and taught me and how they always loved us, or seemed to, when we loved them back anthropomorphically. Of course they liked our feeding them and gave thanks back in animal-like lovable ways too. More thanks in many ways.

the difficulty with giving THANKS is that all the various kinds of people I had to work with – and for how these workers  taught me quickly and easily = spotlighting how anti-authoritarian I am …and how I developed social skills to evade their “rule” and still benefit both them and us all at the work place. Thank the bosses who strongly attempted to force me to complete -their chores to be done  their way only – which I could resist, so then I could get the work done well or better anyhow.

Thank the coworkers who joined with me to be a team and play, work, cooperate, and compete too and retain our jobs and feel productive while wondering if they were getting more or doing less than I was a lot of the time. The people who taught me by example or with direct training how to do tasks and how to dress the part and how to pretend to know what I did not but quickly learn to stop pretending and work well.

All those many who ‘gave me a chance’ when others refused to let me learn. Who taught me only by excellent exampling.                     The woman who ran a small ‘fountain service’ in a ‘drug store’ in the 50’s knowing I had no experience as a waitress and patiently allowing me to drop milkshakes, order the wrong items, let pancakes slip off the plate the or slush the coffee  out of the cups into saucers or counters or on men’s pants  even at times. She taught me patiently and I have never forgotten  – tho I did thank her then too  a few times before moving on to college at the end of that summer.

Thank the Assistant Director of a big company’s  [Brunswick] foreign subsidiary who allowed me to be his “executive secretary’ while patiently repeating that I was good but could I learn to type without ‘soooo many mistakes’ and learn to proof read and catch those errors before he signed the documents ? I always agreed, yet I could not – type well – nor see my errors, tho I did try. He taught me well, to care patiently and like the qualities of personhood and character over mechanical technical efficiency. He promoted me and that helped the work get done too.

Oh yes, and I want to thank those who never showed me their caring until I was leaving the position and who had found the hidden underlying connection we had anyhow, unnoticed until then. Those who found me difficult, or arrogant, or bossy, or not nice, but still, found something to like besides the externals they objected to in me. I thank them for their generous appraisals and not being limited to the usual ways of judgment and retaliation for those outer appearances so unliked by others.

I have so many to thank, the few more outstanding people who have helped me so much are just the ‘examples’ that memory reveals, but so many more people and events  in smaller ways or less dramatic circumstances have helped create the person I now am – who can do so much more than I ever knew then was possible. They cared. I received. I appreciated then and now and again.

the difficulty with giving THANKS is that there are forces and lives and stuff beyond what we see and think is physical or “real”, like in the 11 dimensions, like intuitively knowing there is ‘more”, like those who have had ‘near death experiences’ have experienced to tell and teach me, us, all.

the difficulty with giving THANKS is that all that I cannot name or identify what who all  have also given me and taught me and teach me still and now to be HERE more often, to OBSERVE all this is, to ENJOY what I don’t even understand or recognize, to REFLECT and REMEMBER later in the re-experience of understanding ‘what else also happened’.   To stay AWARE and ALERT and pay ATTENTION …those facilities, abilities, utilities that give me that GRACE and Blessing of being a living being now.                                                   the difficulty with giving THANKS is that I cannot give name or identify all that provides for the goodness of my life as it, and I, are, now and within every moment. The meditation teachers, the spiritual talkers, the recorders of brilliant minds, the players of those old recordings, the disseminators of more knowledge and teachers by example and repetition too.

the difficulty with giving THANKS is that is that words can never say what is in my heart, my mind, my life, my be-ing. the difficulty with giving THANKS is that that this common-day mind is more and expanded beyond the concepts of even GRATEFULness    or GRATITUDE   in the greatness of what this in-fin-ity IS as is right now… without an utterance or sound or even sight. This writing is just another attempt to give thanks to what can be named, remembered, acknowledged. But there is so much more that is all connected.  As we all are, every thing, and that what is no-thing are too. Maybe even more so with what is unknown and mysterious.

we are all
in this world
and beyond
as unity.

Thank you……no…no…thank us all…for we do this as a fractal unity proliferating all ways moving impermanently ALL TOGETHER .

wow !!!!

have a self-fulfilling thanks-full  long moments of giving to yourself consciously and to others lovingly.   with many words from your friend        me….      

you may also want to read some more writings about the day we honor thanks and giving:  a native American Indian story here  maybe some history, one more version anyhow Wikipedia is always divergent and changing with the times too .. then scroll down to where you want to read a bit more.

And  Notice how SYNCHRONICITY & Serendipity just happens !
While FEAR is always only anticipation of what has NOT yet come. GREED & FEAR are our national Pass-times.  So enjoy this NOW instead.

©  mary janie  2010


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